Written in the one o'clock after midnight early light, or late night when I realized that my body has recently gone trough a lot. I met my ex again, which had seemed to be okay earlier, but this time I felt sick about him. I am wuite unsure what has changed, because I met him a lot of times looking eyes to eyes while this time having noticed him from 10 meter distance I immediately felt sick.
Is my body resistant to love or just irresistant to sadness? Finally it took me three days to get out of bed for buying more coke to get back on my legs. Now I am even able to walk, not only to stand but still there are some factors pushing me down. In the early one o'clock after midnight light or a late night I realized that my ex has moved. Seeing somebody else he seems confident and proud. Looking good. Damn he still looks good. Unfortunatelly I do not. Despite having thrown up more times than it is acceptable for official sadness, I am gaining weight and still the only thing which keeps me alive are cigaretts. Isn't it killing me?
In this very late hour I couldn't have helped but wondered - are people who never expirience true physical sadness going to be happy forever and ever? And what about those people who have fucked it up years ago, are they supposed to be fucked up forever either?
Fuck it then, I am not gonna be one of those persons, I am going to have a life.
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